Lactation Ladies

Breastfeeding Reese was a miserable experience from beginning to end. It started with the formula-filled, drippy, smelly SNS system in the hospital, and continued at home with nipple shields, constant screaming, and the hunt for a "perfect" bottle. By January I was D-O-N-E.

Before Paige's birth I tried to "give myself permission" to stop nursing sooner if things went like they did with Reese. I'm not sure it's Austin, my peer group, or hormones, but breastfeeding seems to be a badge of "successful mothering" in some circles. Not just the act itself, but the duration of your commitment to it.

When Paige took to breastfeeding so easily at the hospital I breathed a huge sigh of relief. No extra materials required, just me and the baby.

Then, two weeks ago, my easy-to-feed, weight-gaining baby stopped being so easy. Feeding sessions (8-10 of them a day) were full of grunting, crying, and VERY short feeds at the breast. I tried everything I could think of: I pulled out my nipple shields, tried every position and hold imaginable (including standing up), and tried to stay calm.

I knew that her stuffy nose might be effecting her eating, but just in case I made an appointment with the lactation consultants at the hospital. (It's a free service for babies delivered there.)

After one failed attempt to meet up with the specialists (and a very nasty phone message left by me since I was left high-and-dry without notice), I met with an LC named Linda on Saturday.

I will admit that LCs intimidate me--I assume (perhaps wrongly) that they all want you to breastfeed your child until they're 4, and shun the idea that formula or a bottle would ever grace the lips of your infant. Or at least, that's the vibe I get.

I brought Paige in and Linda watched us feeding. Luckily, Paige did exactly what she had been doing for the last week: feed well for about five minutes and then pitched a fit for the next forty-five minutes. We determined that in her 5 minute feeding she was getting about 1oz of milk (not enough). Linda was extremely patient, asked lots of questions, listened well, and tried every trick in her book. About forty-five minutes into our session, she looked at me and said, "I see why you're frustrated. I think I'd been loosing my mind if I had to deal with this all day and night." I did a double take. Validating my feelings?!? That was not something I was prepared for. I was ready to hear something more along the lines of "These are growing pains, she'll learn, just power through--breast milk is best!"

Linda confirmed that it wasn't an issue of Paige knowing how to latch, or an issue of supply on my end. Her hypotheses were: the stuffy nose is making it hard for her to eat (possible), or she's having reflux issues (would also explain all her grunting, coughing, and other strange behaviors). Either way, she recommended taking a break from breast feeding and just pumping to give her bottles. She even uttered the words, "After taking bottles for awhile she may not want to go back to the breast, and that's ok. Eating should be a pleasant experience for everyone involved, and you should do whatever it takes to make that happen."

I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders--here was a professional telling me that I shouldn't feel guilty about bottle feeding--whether with breast milk or not. It sounds so silly, and so simple, but it was worth it for me to hear.

Of course when I got home and told Kevin the news he said, "I'm glad you're happy, but I could have told you that."

Since then, Paige has been eating primarily from bottles, with a few feeds a day on the breast, and I can tell she's eating more and feeling better. We're waiting to see if her cough subsides (and is related to her cold), and if not we might talk to the pedi about it and how it relates to reflux at her next check up.