Locus of Control

Soon after getting pregnant with Reese I went to dinner with a dear friend. I decided to share our news with her--both because of our friendship AND the fact that it was likely that I might have to sprint to the bathroom to vomit during the course of the meal. She was excited for us and we spent part of the dinner discussing pregnancy and it's strange effect on the body. As a mother of two herself, she said, "Being out of control of your body is just the beginning, it's just what parenting is all about." At the time I couldn't see how her advice would play out every day as a parent, but never have truer words been spoken.

I will be the first to admit that I can be the ultimate "Type A" personality. Routine, consistency, overachiever-ness, etc. etc. Parenthood has been a test of me in so many ways and is the hardest thing I have ever done, mostly because I realize that I am (nearly) completely out of control on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, I know there are things about parenthood that you can control--I do discipline my children, I do provide them nutritious foods (even when they want to eat junk), and I try to be consistent in my routines and expectations, BUT that can all go out the window when you take into account the other two developing personalities in the house. No matter how hard I try I can't MAKE my children eat, I can't choose when or if they will sleep, or when or if the need to go to the bathroom will strike (think Paige's recent pooping issues on this one). In the grand scheme of the universe, maybe I was sent unpredictable and sometimes challenging children to help me grow as a person....that, or it's some kind of penance.

It may not be obvious, but staying home with Reese has knocked my A+ personality down a few notches...to maybe an A- on a good day. It is a daily struggle for me, though, to try not to think twenty steps ahead and instead learn to go with the flow everyday. Give me another two years, I may reach Type B-ness yet.