Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Perspective

As a former teacher (particularly one that taught in Texas?) I was required to know and thoroughly understand the educational goals my students should achieve while in my class (the TEKS). Maybe it's this practice that's got me wondering, "What should my kids be doing at this age?" Yes, I know there are no TEKS for parenthood, but there are "milestone checklists"--and from my experience with Reese, they are a total Catch 22.

Prior to Reese's birth, and in the months shortly after, I read a lot of parenting books. Chalk it up to a combination of factors: I had the summer off, I'd never spent much time around infants, and the neuroses of "nesting." I even went as far as to flag a milestone checklist in one book for quick and easy reference later.

After Reese was born, I consulted the books and all the information that I thought would be comforting and informative was anything but. Reese's weight fluctuated well below the printed curves, she excelled in some areas of development and not others, and she NEVER ate as much or slept as often as all the books described, so I put them away. Now that Paige has been born, I have kept the books on the shelf. I don't have time to read them, and I know that it will only get me caught up in worrying. Still, I sometimes get caught up thinking: What are kids their ages supposed to be doing? Do some of my frustrations come from setting the bar too high?

Here are some thoughts on keeping perspective that have been tumbling around my head lately about both girls:

Perspective on Reese: Now that eating, walking, talking, and potty training are accomplished for Reese, what's next? At what point should she be identifying numbers and letters or completely dressing herself? Seeing the contrast in independence between an infant and toddler, I know that I sometimes expect too much from Reese. She seems so big and she expresses herself so well, I have to remind myself that she's not 5 or even 3 yet. She sometimes compounds matters herself with her fierce independent streak, I need to remember to pack my patience with this one and not let her grow up too quickly--even if she wants to.


Perspective on Paige: Both our pediatrician and every parent reference I've had time to thumb through talks about the challenges that babies born early face. I know that Paige wasn't a true preemie, but when it comes to her milestones, I have to remember she was born almost a month early. That means that many of her milestones (at least for a while) will likely occur a month later than other babies who were born on or near their due dates. So...when I hear about babies eating more than she does, rolling both ways, sleeping more (and more easily) than she does, I have to tell myself that she may need a little extra time. With all her struggles to eat, sleep, and poop, I also have to remind myself that she is making improvements. Time seems to drag by, but in the last six weeks she's gone from eating barely 1-2oz per feeding to regularly eating 4oz. She's now sleeping in her bed at night, and she's more than doubled her birth weight (even if she still remains small). And, most importantly, she's a happy child.

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